This one should be fun...
Question from a reader (and a question asked by many a single woman) "When he says he considers me a 'Friend,' what exactly does he mean?"
Ladies, I have had and still have a number of male "friends" in my life and I promise to share what I have found. But first, in response to any question regarding how a man may be thinking we must begin with the basics.
Men are simple, very simple, and they are much slower thinkers (when it comes to making connections between things) than us. Remember to take what they are saying at face value.
Next, make an agreement with yourself that you will believe what they say. That you will not take their answers and pour them through the finely tuned, intricate web of the female mind (along with all your added hang ups and mistaken beliefs about yourself) that twists it into a new meaning completely unrecognizable to the man standing before you, once you have had your way with it.
Once you have completed the above challenging tasks, then, and only then, consider this...
An informal survey conducted by myself, and several of my fellow Goddesses, over a year or so has produced the following results as definition for the word "Friend" in the male lexicon:
- My current girlfriend
- Any one of the many girls I am currently seeing regardless of where they fall in the pack (be that first priority, runner up and back burner)
- My ex-girlfriend.
- A friend with "benefits" (the glorious/inglorious - depending on your intentions - Fuck Buddy)
- My guy friends' girlfriends
- My current Booty Call?*See note below
- The girl that I really want to have sex with that I am keeping around in the "friend" category in hopes that my ulterior motives will somehow, someday become, her wildest fantasy
- The girl that I dated for a while, was unsure about and would love to keep around (you know, because I may have made a mistake and time/circumstances have been known to change things)
- The girl I barely know and lust after from afar sending text messages whenever I get up the nerve
- (And last but, definitely not least) The girl who I have a great time with, share my life events with and just love being in the company of
(*This was claimed by only a few honest chaps. Most of the men who have these liaisons are aware enough to know this woman is not their friend on any level. In feeling guilty about this, whilst speaking to a Goddess nonetheless, most found a way to edit her out of the results.)
As one of our responders Zack put it, "Its simple. We have friends and we have enemies. That's it."
Notice ladies that through their simplicity they have created infinite complexity. For us. I have witnessed all this lead to such unbearable confusion resulting in yet another opportunity for ladies to forget their Goddess selves and roil in the I'm Not Good Enough Pit of Despair for days at a time. This, is totally ludicrous.
First, let us consider that all of these responses include the word "girl."
Not lady, not woman, not Goddess and not Girl, mind you, just girl.
What does this say about the men in question? Could it be that adulthood is still something that has yet to find them? Most of the men in this survey were under the age of 35 with a few single forty somethings as well. It may be that regardless of chronological age, it is, in fact boys and not Men, that are using this one word to describe a plethora of difference.
What then, would these boys know of how to process and communicate any of their feelings (a true hallmark of adulthood) let alone what they feel about you. (Which is really what all ladies posing this question are actually attempting to find out.)
Secondly, let us also remember to re-frame any and all life interactions to reflect ourselves back in the best light possible. (As all Goddesses and Gods, for that matter, always choose to do.)
The category left out by our "friend" Zack would be the true opposite of Love, the category of Indifference. There are many women the man in question feels nothing about, that have absolutely no affect on him whatsoever.
When you look at the list above notice that every single one of the women defined has one thing in common. They evoke feelings (there's that word again) in the man in question. And this, my lovelies, is the rub. One way or another if a man categorizes you as a "friend" the fact is, that you are someone that helps him come alive, that turns him on to life.
This is, by Goddess standards, the definition of authentic human interaction, the first step in any real relationship and definitely part of our job description here on the planet, my beautiful sisters. Next step would be to own that Power (your natural ability to evoke feelings in a man, just by your being you) and start your way on down the effortless path to getting exactly what you want, from exactly who you want it from.
Learning to be true to one's self can be challenging, let alone finding your way to co-commitment with another. Thing is, if he's categorized you as a "friend" and you decide to believe him, by my calculations, you are more than 75% there already. Now that is something to celebrate, no?
"But Koa," you ask, "how does one get to the other side? Could this 'friend' of mine actually come to truly love me in a way that would inspire him to commit his life to a life together with me? Which, yes, I will admit, is the only reason I care about what he's thinking in the first place."
We shall see...
These books have served as great research material for me and could do the same for you as we move ahead... be sure and check them out. Just think of it as A Goddess in Love extra credit assignment.
