I want to talk about the art of being a gentleman and the automatic habit of opening the door for a lady.
Office doors, restaurant doors and last but not least, car doors.
Sure, maybe it ain't such a big deal one-way or the other. On the subject of chivalry I have heard all sides:
"Good grief, that's so basic... if they can't do that, well then..." Todd 48yr old Male
"I don't think it matters. I mean I would open it for them, its just common courtesy." Z. 29yr old Female
"Some of that traditional stuff makes me feel stupid. Like I am trying too hard." James 29yr old Male
Here is my simple yet honest take.
Its a given that there are as many ways to approach relationship, as there are relationships in the world.
All the tiny points of tradition in male/female interaction (a gentleman picking up the tab, walking street side or lifting heavy items) serve a much greater purpose than their actual real world function.
Case in point, the photo above.
I ask you, does the woman here look like she is in need of the help this man is offering her? Or is it just a lot more fun for the both of them, when he gives her a helping hand?
I will tell you right now gentlemen that if I do not allow you to open my doors (both in and out of the car) if I do not expect you to pick me up for at least most of our dates, or I agree to "Go Dutch" anywhere near the outset of our relationship, the hard truth is - I don't like you all that much.
Now some time ago, this would have been an unconscious assessment of our relationship potential having much more to do with me, than with you.
So self-absorbed, wondering what each of my actions made me look like, I would move too quickly to be thoughtful. I would walk too far ahead, be first to speak to the host or hostess at the restaurant and get so uncomfortable when exiting the car I would open the door and step out myself.
When I mentioned my exiting-the-car-too-quickly-problem to my Goddess girlfriend Rene (a well heeled southern gal) she said, "Oh honey, that's when you put on your lipstick and check your face in the vanity mirror or something."
Oh... right. That would suppose that I know how to allow myself to be cared for by someone.
Nowadays, after years of practice, my self-assuredness means I find my time to be very precious commodity. Ask me to share it with you and yes I will have some expectations. Especially if I am hot for you... especially then.
Its no longer about whether or not I can do it myself, whether they will think me helpless or, heaven forbid, high maintenance.
Being part of team takes humility and grace in equal measure.
Now I just want someone to know that I need him. That I don't want to do this life thing by myself. That I value, honor and appreciate whatever he is capable of providing.
So ladies, LET THEM HELP YOU.
