An Ideal Relationship

I am very happy to report that I have completed my homework.

In the last article Making Ready I related how my friend KAT helped me see an overlooked step in my journey from Happily Single to Happily Co-committed. My assignment, thus discovered, was to conceive in ecstatic detail the features of my Ideal Relationship.

I was more than a bit gun shy.

I chose an odd time and venue for doing the work (a commuter bus ride, where I became so involved with my process I nearly missed my stop.) I believe I may have needed to pressurize the process to ensure its completion. (By the time I revealed this idea to you a week ago it had already been on my target list for several.)

Before I turn in my results to you and await your grade, I'd like to give you some background. (Another privilege of creating your own curriculum.) I will tell you a bit about my introduction to the concept of Co-commitment and how it gave me hope, even while traveling in the dark Wilderness of existential angst, that my Ideal Relationship was possible.

The principles of Co-commitment are an elemental piece of Conscious Loving. A relationship theory and practice developed by Gay and Kathlyn Hendricks. The first time I heard of these principles was in my therapist's office.

While thumbing through a file box of documents, intended for a self starting client's enrichment (therapeutic extra credit, if you will) the Co-commitment label jumped out at me. There was a single piece of paper in this file and it contained the following list:

• Commitment 1 - I commit myself to full closeness, and to clearing up anything within me that stands in the way.

• Commitment 2 - I commit myself to my own complete development as an individual.

• Commitment 3 - I commit to revealing myself fully in the relationship, not to concealing myself.

• Commitment 4 - I commit myself to the full empowerment of people around me.

• Commitment 5 - I commit myself to acting from the awareness that I am 100% the source of my reality.

• Commitment 6 - I commit myself to having a good time in my close relationships

I stared at this list a while, dropped the sheet back into its file and put the lid back on the box. My habitually dysfunctional subconscious wanted nothing to do with whatever this intimidating little piece of paper was asking of me.

As it turns out, the relationship I was in at that time had about as much chance as a little snowball has in hell of becoming a "conscious" one, given where he and I were coming from. Little wonder I put that piece of paper down and tried to forget all about it.

Try as I might, forget it I could not. Once the seed was planted roots burrowed into my psyche and the sweet fragrance of the resulting blossoms managed to remind my Heart of what she already knew.

She knew that these were the qualities inherent to the relationship of my dreams. She also knew that my perennial dissatisfaction with all of the relationships  I had created up until this time were a simple reflection of this knowing.

Oh, the life we create. A perfect mirror for use in conscious evolution, if only we are willing to peer in.

As it was, I had one very important thing in my corner. I had made a commitment to myself some years earlier. I had made a promise to learn to live authentically.

Honestly, when I made that promise I had no idea what authentic would come to mean. All I knew is that I had this drive to attain it that created all types of problems in the life I had been living. (I recall my boyfriend of many years asking, thoroughly exasperated, "What's with you and this whole 'Change' thing?")

Notice that the Co-commitments can only be made from a place of crystal clear self-seeing. Here my journey into Authenticity was given a motivational boost. Now nothing less would do.

i found that one must remember that there is no destination on this sort of journey. Evolution is constantly moving the end point to someplace new. It's more of a treasure hunt through a breathtakingly beautiful, epically treacherous and all encompassing Wilderness where jewels of self realization are to be found. Sometimes in the most unexpected places.

First key in a treasure hunt is to get a list of clues - those Co-commitments appear to have been intriguing enough. Next, find a team - fearless warriors have been known to appear in my time of need. All teachers, healers, lovers and friends. Then, be sure you have a way to recognize the jewels when you come across them - I continue to find and hire the most adept of guides as the situation calls for them.

The most important step? Start. The rest basically takes care of itself.

I have to say that the first jewel I discovered was one of the most precious. As I delved deeper into the Wilderness, where the shifting of day to night, from light to shadow is forever playing tricks on the senses, Trust had to become my ever present friend. Trust made it possible to play at this game of Life rather than work at it.

A gift beyond description.

Next I will share exactly what A Goddess in Love's version of a co-committed Ideal Relationship looks like. Ask and it is given, right?