Having written quite a few times on the subject of adulthood and when it actually 'begins' in ones life. I am finding that the differing opinions on the answer have something to do with a difference of experience.
I know twenty somethings that are convinced they are there and have always been there. (Personally, I recall that I felt the same way when I was twenty something so...)
I know thirty somethings that are so relieved they aren't where they were because here feels so much more nearly there, it's amazing.
For every ten years more in age I hear another level of 'boy, sure are a few things I know now that I sure could have used then.'
These things I hear from both men and women and yet lately I've been hearing it from you guys more often.
This matter of perspective phenomenon stayed on my mind while reading the book The Way of the Superior Man by David Deida.
(Click here to read my review)
In those pages Mr. Deida does a superb job honing in on the soft spots and awkward edges of boyhood that many of you will be able to relate to. Looking for where there is room for improvement is how David plays the friend.
Willing to listen and honestly reflect you back to you.
Being told 'All Women Are Not Liars' or to ' Live as if your Father is Dead' (actual chapter titles) help to release the holding posture of protection around the soft spots through simply acknowledging their existence.
Somehow giving that inner boy an opportunity to seek relief from the tender ache of his fears can transform them into a strong and pliable Source. Rendering him a Man capable of providing deep, long lasting, sensual pleasure to his whole world.
Those rough edges get some attention too. Chapters like 'Own Your Darkest Desire',' She wants the "Killer" in You' or 'Enjoy Your Friends Criticism' asks whether you are ready and willing to take yourself to the grindstone that is being a Man.
I have posited before that becoming a fully grown being in this world has lots to do with fully owning ones sexual essence and all the ways it informs the story of our lives. I also am coming to believe that once we have settled all that we can get on with the compelling work of creating our next beginning.
As Mr. Deida said in his preface to the 2nd edition of the book:
How do you know when you've reached (as I love to call it) your full man strength?
Do you feel already honed into that strong and polished gem that is your gift to the world?
Are you wondering if you ever will?
I know twenty somethings that are convinced they are there and have always been there. (Personally, I recall that I felt the same way when I was twenty something so...)
I know thirty somethings that are so relieved they aren't where they were because here feels so much more nearly there, it's amazing.
For every ten years more in age I hear another level of 'boy, sure are a few things I know now that I sure could have used then.'
These things I hear from both men and women and yet lately I've been hearing it from you guys more often.
This matter of perspective phenomenon stayed on my mind while reading the book The Way of the Superior Man by David Deida.
(Click here to read my review)
In those pages Mr. Deida does a superb job honing in on the soft spots and awkward edges of boyhood that many of you will be able to relate to. Looking for where there is room for improvement is how David plays the friend.
Willing to listen and honestly reflect you back to you.
Being told 'All Women Are Not Liars' or to ' Live as if your Father is Dead' (actual chapter titles) help to release the holding posture of protection around the soft spots through simply acknowledging their existence.
Somehow giving that inner boy an opportunity to seek relief from the tender ache of his fears can transform them into a strong and pliable Source. Rendering him a Man capable of providing deep, long lasting, sensual pleasure to his whole world.
Those rough edges get some attention too. Chapters like 'Own Your Darkest Desire',' She wants the "Killer" in You' or 'Enjoy Your Friends Criticism' asks whether you are ready and willing to take yourself to the grindstone that is being a Man.
I have posited before that becoming a fully grown being in this world has lots to do with fully owning ones sexual essence and all the ways it informs the story of our lives. I also am coming to believe that once we have settled all that we can get on with the compelling work of creating our next beginning.
As Mr. Deida said in his preface to the 2nd edition of the book:
When you have mastered the challenges of women, work and sexual desire be willing to forget you were ever born. Eventually - and I'm telling you in advance, just like I was told - the way of the Superior Man renders obsolete everything that can be known or experienced.My experience with men of all ages tells me that as ya'll grow up you appear to get this evolution of purpose from an 'I know just what you mean' sort of place.
How do you know when you've reached (as I love to call it) your full man strength?
Do you feel already honed into that strong and polished gem that is your gift to the world?
Are you wondering if you ever will?
